How to comfort someone whose mother or father has died (2022)

Watching my mother die was a wrenching experience I still don’t have the words to describe. I have experienced no deeper grief than the day she died, ever. I’d felt heartbreak before, over lost loves and the death of other relatives and beloved pets … but nothing broke my heart so thoroughly as that week of watching her sick and in pain, fighting, seeming to get better, and then dying.

Aside from just not thinking too hard about what was happening, I coped in large part by writing each day in a friends-only weblog. Most of my friends replied with encouragement and condolences, and I ended up getting literally hundreds of supportive emails after my husband posted about my mom’s death on the HWA and Shocklines discussion boards.

And those messages did help, quite a lot. Although nothing could make losing my mom “better”, the well-wishes and condolences did give me a slim tether to the world of the living that kept me from teetering over the edge into a black hole of despair.

While I got supportive emails from people who were near total strangers, I heard little or nothing from most of my mother’s relatives. I also never heard anything from a few people I count as friends who had access to my blog.

(Video) ✝️ Dying Prayers - Prayer Of Comfort For A Dying Mother

Later on, one of those silent friends made a post to her own journal that began “I suck at sympathy … Not because I don’t feel it, but because I don’t know how to show it correctly.”

I understand how she feels. Many of us geeks, when presented with a friend in trouble or in pain, want to try to do something to “fix” their troubles. There is no “fix” for the death of a loved one. There can only be offers of support or words of comfort — which may feel awkward, trite, or just plain hard to give if you don’t fully understand what the person in grief is going through.

And here’s the bitch of it: you probably don’t understand what they’re going through.

Everybody’s grief over the death of a parent is unique. Even if you have also lost a parent … you don’t know what they’re going through, although you have an inkling. If your parents are still alive and well, I guarantee you don’t know what the person is going through, even if you have lost other relatives.

(Video) Son told not to comfort mother at father’s socially distanced funeral

I was there when my husband’s mother died a couple of years ago, and it was awful. But she was not my mom, and I had no way of understanding the sheer depth of the grief, regret, and anger he felt at her death.

I’ve got a clue now. But I still can’t feel what he felt, nor can he feel what I feel.

Most of us, if we have loving relationships with our own parents, don’t want to think too hard about them dying. That’s natural, especially if you’re in your teens and 20s and have lived a life sheltered from the realities of death. But being unwilling to put yourself in another person’s place can cause you to come off as deeply unsympathetic and say or do things that could add to the person’s sense of grief and isolation.

However, you can just as easily add to a person’s pain by remaining silent and thus seeming to not care about them or their loss.

(Video) Dying Prayers - Prayer Of Comfort For A Dying Mother (without a voice)

So, in the end, it’s better to give the ol’ communication thing a try if you care about the grieving son or daughter and your relationship with him or her.

The Emotional Landscape of Losing a Parent in Woefully General Terms

There’s grief, of course. If you have a loving relationship with your parents, your folks are your most stalwart supporters and your #1 cheerleaders in life. They’ve always been there for you, and would do anything to help you out. You could always turn to them for help, for advice, for encouragement — and now you never can again. Losing that kind of a relationship leaves a chasm that can never be filled — a parent simply can’t be replaced.

And if you had a troubled or abusive relationship with your parents, there’s often still a tremendous sense of loss: the loss of what should have been, could have been, and will never be.

There will be regret. Regret for things done, or not done. You might start remembering all the stupid shit you pulled and all the dumb things you said to them as a teenager and wish to hell you could do something to take it all back. You’d give anything to talk to them just one more time to say all the things you never thought to say — and you can’t. If your relationship with your mom or dad was troubled, the regret may become crippling.

(Video) Mother helping others through grieving process years after losing her own daughter

There will be anger. You may be angry at yourself (“Dammit, why didn’t I check on her?” “Why didn’t I go home for Christmas?”) or at your dead parent (“Why didn’t she go to the doctor?” “Why did he have to get up on that roof?”). If your parent was negligent or abusive, you probably still feel unresolved rage towards him or her that you now feel guilty about.

In short, a person who’s lost a parent is experiencing a whole mess of very strong emotions, and will very likely be depressed and might feel horribly isolated. We as outsiders expect sadness and regret — but we might not expect or know how to handle someone who reacts with anger and bitterness to a parent’s death. The griever’s pain may be downright ugly.

And there’s no magic time period for a person to adapt to their loss and feel their grief scar over. Some people can fake happiness a lot sooner than others (and that’s not always a good thing). Some aspects of the loss of a parent are permanent, and you can never fully recover from them.

Ways to Comfort a Person Grieving Over a Lost Parent

  1. Start with your basic condolence It might seem trite try to say “I’m sorry for your loss; you’re in my and my family’s thoughts,” but saying that is a whole lot better than saying nothing at all. Much more past that is hard if you don’t know the person that well or you don’t know what kind of a relationship they had with their mother or father.It’s probably safe to say something like “You’re in our prayers” unless you know for certain the grieving person is a hardcore atheist. But saying something like “he/she is in a Better Place now” is risky if you don’t know the person’s religion. I’m not religious, and hearing people say, “she’s in a better place” made the cynical part of me want to say, “No, sorry, I don’t think the inside of her urn is especially festive” even though of course I knew they meant well.If you can’t find the words, at least send a card (but check first before you send flowers; some people may have allergies, and other people — like my mother — may have expressed a desire to have no cut flowers at their service). It’s better than nothing.
  2. Offer your support The grieving person will probably need support to get through this, but don’t offer if you’re not emotionally or logistically prepared to follow through.Case in point: when my friend Carol found out my mom was dangerously ill and said “If there’s anything I can do to help, I will,” I replied, “Well, I can’t get a direct flight into San Angelo tomorrow. Can you drive me down from Dallas?” And by God she did. She picked me up at the airport in a car laden with road food and drove me the six hours down to my hometown so I could see my mother before she lost her lucidity. That’s friendship.Case in counterpoint: One of my mom’s former coworkers (I’ll call her “Anne”) came to see my mom several times while she was in the hospital (she and my mom had stayed in touch after their respective retirements and seemed to be real friends). My mom at that point was in the early stages of kidney failure, had a brutal case of cryptosporidum, and wasn’t conscious much. She also hadn’t eaten much of anything in over a week, and had lost a scary amount of weight.”I hate seeing her like this,” Anne said. “Is there anything I can do?””Yes,” I replied. I had been trading off with my dad in 8-hour shifts to sit with my mother and to call a nurse when she needed attention; we were exhausted and couldn’t stay with her all the time despite our desire to. “My mom is starving. She needs to eat. If you come in here when we’re not here and see that the nurse has put down a tray of food, try to wake her up and see if you can get her to eat something.”Immediately Anne faltered: “Well, I’m really not good at taking care of people ….”I wanted to scream at her, “Do not be a coward! It is not hard to feed her! At least fucking try!” but instead I quietly replied, “If she does not eat, she will die. Getting some food into her would be a big help.” Anne did not reply; I don’t know if she ever worked up the guts to be a true friend to my mother or not.
    • Simply saying “I’m here if you need to talk” is a nice offer, but the person isn’t likely to take you up on it if you two aren’t already close. If they do take you up on it, you’ve got to be prepared to hear some pretty raw and upsetting stuff. You’ve got to be prepared to have them sobbing on your shoulder, getting snot on your favorite shirt. And if you’ve made the offer, let the grieving person do the talking. Let them direct the conversation. Don’t divert things so you can talk about your own woes, and don’t press them to talk about things they’re not ready to discuss with you. They do need to grieve, and to cry, but they need to do it on their own terms — don’t press them to “let it all out” if they’re not comfortable exposing themselves like that with you yet.I was determined to not become a blubbering mess at my mom’s funeral. It comes from my stoic middle-class WASP upbringing that taught me that public displays of emotion are taboo. I was doing all right until one of my mom’s coworkers came up to me and started talking about what a wonderful person my mom was and what a terrible, awful, tragic thing it was that she had died, and how sad it all was, and how devastated she felt … this coworker went on and on, and I really came close to totally losing my composure. The lady was entitled to express her own grief, of course, but if her intent was to comfort me, she mainly succeeded in bringing my pain right to the surface where I could barely contain it.
    • Saying “Let me know if there’s anything I can do” also sounds nice, but generally grieving people won’t take you up on it. After all, what can you do? My first thought upon hearing this from a friend was, “Unless you’ve got a time machine and a cure for cancer, there’s not anything anyone can do.”But that’s not true. The grieving person will have a hundred mundane things to take care of, and little motivation or energy to do them. So, if you actually do want to help out a friend in grief, take a look around, see if something appears to need doing, and ask about specific things:
      • Ask if you can bring them some food, or if you could cook them dinner or take them out to eat.
      • Offer to take them to a movie.
      • Ask if they want help arranging for a memorial service.
      • If you’re a musician, offer to play at the service.
      • Offer to organize or host the after-service reception or wake.
      • Offer to do errands like grocery shopping or laundry.
      • Offer to walk their dog, change their cat’s litterbox, or clean their fish tank.
      • If you have financial skills, offer to help them sort through the insurance, tax and pension paperwork.
      • If they’ve got to clear out the parent’s house or apartment, ask if you can help.
      • Ask if they need help mailing out thank-you notes after the funeral.
      • If you’re well-off and know the surviving family’s hard up for cash, ask if you can help them with an interest-free loan; they’ll probably turn you down, but it’s easier to accept an unsolicited offer from a friend than to break down and ask for what’s needed and feel like a charity case in the process.
  3. Show respect for and acknowledge the person’s grief. It’s an all-too human tendency to try to make another person’s grief go away. If comforting doesn’t work, there’s often a tendency to pretend it doesn’t exist.For instance, the friends who picked me up at the airport immediately started complaining about petty shit that had happened to them while I was gone. While their constant chatter did keep my mind off things, it got annoying in short order, especially since other than a quick “We’re sorry for your loss” when they first greeted me, not once did they ask how I was feeling or even mention what I’d just been through.So, here’s a by no means comprehensive list of things to avoid when dealing with a person who’s lost a parent in the past year or so:
    • Don’t in any way compare their losing a parent to your losing your cat or dog. Seriously, don’t. Yes, losing a beloved pet is painful, but it’s not even in the same ballpark.
    • Don’t complain about your own parents around them. At least you’ve still got ’em. Even if your complaints are legitimate, now’s not the time.
    • “Well, everybody has to see a parent die sooner or later.” Yes, it’s true, but it also trivializes their grief, and is about as comforting as a baseball bat to the knee.
    • “You’ll feel better soon.” It might not be true; some people never fully “get over” the death of a parent.
    • If they vent negative emotion around you (for instance, if they get angry at their dead parent or at God) don’t tell them they’re wrong for feeling like they do. They need support and a sympathetic ear, not judgement.
    • By that same token, don’t act impatient, bored, or inconvenienced if the person shows grief months or even years later; there is no timetable to “get over it”. Some people may in fact need professional counseling to cope with their grief, but while the death is still new, they’re going to grieve; don’t make it all about you and your personal convenience.
    • “Well, he/she is better off now.” A risky thing to say if the bereaved doesn’t firmly believe in an afterlife. The dead parent may no longer be suffering, but some people may view any life as preferable to the grave.
    • “God decided that it was her time.”/”God works in mysterious ways.” This is almost guaranteed to infuriate any atheist/agnostic, and it can be not-very-comforting even if they are religious and are experiencing a crisis of faith over seeing a good person suffer and die.
    • “She/he wasn’t much of a parent to you, anyway; you’re better off now that they are dead.” Even if it’s true, it’s still a callous thing to say to someone in grief.
    • Don’t use the person’s grief as an opportunity to try to convert him or her to your religion, even if you truly feel it’s in the person’s best interest. If you feel you must witness to him or her, try to wait for a more appropriate time. If both of you already observe the same religion, inviting him or her to church with you is appropriate and may be appreciated.
    • Just because the person makes a wry comment about death doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for you to joke about the situation. A lightened mood is often appreciated, but ill-considered humor can hugely backfire.

Special Concerns When Comforting Children

Children who’ve lost a parent may get lost in the shuffle, and their grief may stay bottled up inside them. Younger children may not understand what death means, and you or others may have to very patiently explain over and over that their mom or dad isn’t coming back. Little kids have the perception that sick people get better, and it’s devastating to first learn about death by losing a parent.

(Video) Helping a Child Deal with Mom's Death

Don’t be brutal about it, of course, but don’t euphemize the whole thing. Saying “Your mom’s gone away” might make a young child wonder what he or she had done to cause Mom to abandon them. Likewise, saying something like “God wanted your father with him” also raises all kinds of questions in the child’s mind that can cause problems. It’s best to be honest as you can and patient as you can. Give a grieving child lots of hugs, and let them know you’re there for them.

Slightly older children who have a grip on what death means may secretly think that they caused their parent’s death by not being “good” — this whole notion can get reinforced with comments like “God wanted your mom with him”. Kids can easily get into a headspace where they think they caused bad things to happen, and they can start feeling incredibly guilty over things over which they had no control.

If a child did inadvertently contribute to a parent’s death — say, they threw a smoldering match in a trash can and the house burned down, or they threw a frisbee on the roof and their dad slipped and fell off trying to get it down — the feelings of guilt will be there to stay. It’s best to get a good professional counselor for such a child.

FAQs

How to comfort someone whose mother or father has died? ›

At the end of the day, something as simple as “I'm so sorry for your loss” or “I'm so sad for you and your family, please accept my deepest condolences” is always appropriate. But you might want to offer something a little deeper than that, especially if you are close to the bereaved.

What are some comforting words? ›

The Right Words of Comfort for Someone Grieving
  • I'm sorry.
  • I care about you.
  • He/she will be dearly missed.
  • He/she is in my thoughts and prayers.
  • You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • You are important to me.
  • My condolences.
  • I hope you find some peace today.

How do you support a friend who lost a parent? ›

If you can't think of something to say, just offer eye contact, a squeeze of the hand, or a reassuring hug. Offer your support. Ask what you can do for the grieving person. Offer to help with a specific task, such as helping with funeral arrangements, or just be there to hang out with or as a shoulder to cry on.

What is the best condolence message? ›

My sincerest condolences for you at this time. You have my deepest sympathy and unwavering support. Wishing you peace, comfort, courage, and lots of love at this time of sorrow. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.

What the most comforting word? ›

Comforting Words for Hard Times
  • "Dawn Will Come." Really. ...
  • "Worrying Won't Do Us Any Good." ...
  • "Let's Consider the Positive Things." ...
  • "Recognize the Challenge and Do Something About It." ...
  • "Things Won't Always Be This Bad." ...
  • "Don't Give Up." ...
  • "Hope Can Never Be Taken Away." ...
  • "Do Something to Help Others."

What to say to someone who lost a family member? ›

What to say to someone who has been bereaved
  • Say how sorry you are. ...
  • Share a memory. ...
  • Offer them space to talk. ...
  • Tell them however they feel is OK. ...
  • Recognise how hard it is for them. ...
  • Ask if there is anything they need. ...
  • Tell them you're thinking of them. ...
  • Sometimes you don't need to say anything.

What is the best condolence message? ›

My sincerest condolences for you at this time. You have my deepest sympathy and unwavering support. Wishing you peace, comfort, courage, and lots of love at this time of sorrow. My heart goes out to you at this difficult time.

How do you support a friend who lost a parent? ›

If you can't think of something to say, just offer eye contact, a squeeze of the hand, or a reassuring hug. Offer your support. Ask what you can do for the grieving person. Offer to help with a specific task, such as helping with funeral arrangements, or just be there to hang out with or as a shoulder to cry on.

What to say to someone who lost a family member? ›

What to say to someone who has been bereaved
  • Say how sorry you are. ...
  • Share a memory. ...
  • Offer them space to talk. ...
  • Tell them however they feel is OK. ...
  • Recognise how hard it is for them. ...
  • Ask if there is anything they need. ...
  • Tell them you're thinking of them. ...
  • Sometimes you don't need to say anything.

What to say to someone who lost a family member condolences? ›

1. Express sympathy for their loss
  • “I'm sorry for your loss.”
  • “My deepest sympathies to you and your family.”
  • “Words can't describe how sorry I am for your loss.”
  • “Thinking of you at this difficult time.”
  • “So sorry to hear about your mother…”.
Aug 16, 2021

But you know you still need to say something to express sympathy and show that you care, no matter how difficult it is.. It's always good to go to the funeral to offer support to the survivors.. Most people who lose their mother appreciate offers of helping out, even if they don’t accept.. It’s comforting to know that people care enough and are willing to take the time to do something.. Some things you might want to offer include meals, running errands, or assisting with the funeral arrangements.. If your friend has to go through his mother’s belongings, you may offer to help.. After a couple of weeks have passed, try your best to go back to normal activities with your friend, knowing she will still be in a state of grief that can last for a very long time.

It is tempting to ask the question “how can I comfort someone grieving” or “how can I console a friend whose parent died”.. People grieving don’t want you to fix their situation or to take away their pain.. What most people grieving want is for people to:. Helpful Things to Say to Someone Whose Parent Died I wish I had the right words, but I don’t.. I’m also here if you don’t want to talk and just need some company or a distraction!. I’ll keep checking in each week to see how you’re doing and what you need.. I’ll always remember ____________________ (share a memory or something about their parent that you loved).. Helpful Things to Do for Someone Whose Mother Died or Whose Father Died Set reminders on your phone to check in before Mother’s Day and Father’s Day Put their parent’s birthday and deathiversary on your calendar, so you can check in then.. It is a great comfort for people to know that their loved ones made an impression and are remembered!. When people don’t engage with those posts, your grieving friend may start to feel like their friends are uncomfortable with their grief and remembrance.. Sometimes people come here asking what they should say to someone whose father died or whose mother died, they say it, then think they should give someone “space”.. Don’t rush them and don’t think they are going to go back to “normal”.. Still worried about saying the wrong thing to someone whose parent died?

A tried-and-true example of what to say to someone whose mother died includes, “I am sorry for your loss, she will be missed.” But there are also other, more personal ways of expressing condolences and delivering a heartfelt message.. What’s more, while a person is grieving, they might behave out of character, cry, or lash out.. Each situation and person is unique, and we shouldn’t hurry anyone along during this difficult time.. Other excellent examples of what to say to someone whose mother died include:. My favorite poems for this somber occasion include “She Walks in Beauty” by George Gordon and “Wonderful Mother” by Patrick O’Reilly.. For the person who has lost their mother, emotions are undoubtedly running high, and there are some things we’re better off not saying.. I know that when I lost my mother, the question, “How are you feeling?” used to infuriate me.. Some other common phrases and bad examples of what to say to someone whose mother died include:. Also, it’s best not to give any unsolicited advice or opinions about their mother’s life, death, funeral, or whatever.. Maybe the person who lost their parent needs to talk about everything that happened so that they can try and process the situation.. If they want to speak about their mother’s life or about their feelings or just crack jokes, we need to be ready to listen.. When my mother died, I found that some days were just more difficult to get through than others.. So while we can’t take the pain away from a child who lost its mother, we can make it feel safe and loved.. Now, there is no right answer to the question of what to say to someone whose mother died style=”font-weight: 400;”>.. Most importantly, during this difficult time, we have to remember that it’s up to us to show love and support to the mourners without upsetting them.

Offering words of support and encouragement for your friend during this time is as simple as letting your friend know that you care and that you're there.. “What can I do for you?” One of the first things you can do is to approach your friend with words of support and encouragement. ". “I’m thinking of you” If you're wondering how to make someone’s day a little bit easier, consider letting your friend know that you're thinking of her by hiring a weekly maid service.. “Take time for yourself” The last thing your friend may have on her mind is taking time out for a little self-care.. “I’m sorry for what you’re going through” One way of supporting your friend is by telling her that you're sorry for what she’s going through, sorry that her loved one is suffering and sorry for the pain and suffering the family is feeling.. These simple words are very impactful when they're offered at a trying time.. “Would you like some company?” Taking the time out of your day to visit with your friend who’s caring for a dying parent will show her that you care and are there to support her.. If you aren't comfortable with your level of knowledge and experience in leading a prayer, consider inviting a local member of the clergy to attend.. Unless your friend is well off, you can safely assume that she may be suffering some financial hardship while she’s caring for her loved one who is dying.. Still offer your support anyway.. Your friend may have a difficult time dealing with his grief and may be in desperate need of the respite you’re offering.

If you know that your friend or family member was very close to his or her mother, this phrase succinctly acknowledges his or her pain and your presence and support.. For a son or daughter who had a very happy relationship with his or her Mom, reminders of the good times can create a sweet remembrance in time.. Even if they don’t have much to say, many people feel a little better after a phone call.. Grief is a process, and I’m here for whatever you need.. This sharing of your own grief can be helpful if you were also very close to that person’s mother.. Similarly, this statement focuses on the great things about your friend or family member’s mother.. Rather than using this statement to get the person to do anything—they probably don’t need you to push them right now—it’s for those who feel discouraged in their grief, as if they can’t go on.

24..May God bless and comfort you and your family during this difficult period, please accept my sincere condolences and sympathies.. My heart goes out to you and your family on the passing of your father.. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your dad.. May my condolences bring you comfort and may my prayers ease the pain of this loss.. May our Lord bless and comfort you and your family during this time of grief and may the soul of the departed one rest in peace.

Some moments I didn’t want to talk about it, others I wanted to talk about nothing else.. These were people who wanted to be there for me or say the right thing, but didn’t know how to do it.. I’m not sure how I’m feeling most of the time.. These kinds of answers made me feel like they just wanted to hear that I was doing okay, and that anything else was too much for them to get into.. The only thing I really wanted was to talk about my grief, but I felt that I had to censor myself.. We live in a world where people are consistently afraid of feeling shame — so many of us make life choices to avoid the feeling at all costs.. And when we’re trying to comfort a grieving loved one, we’re so worried about saying the wrong thing and feeling that dreaded shame that we sometimes decide it’s just easier not to say anything at all.. But we, as friends and loved ones, can do better.. I promise you that’s not what your grieving friend wants.. “This might be a weird thing to say, but when my mom died, for whatever reason I really wanted to talk about what happened in detail.. She told me about how hard it was to talk to people about what she was feeling, and that she often felt she didn’t know how to respond when people checked in because she felt she had to sugarcoat her response.. This conversation continued over time, both of us sharing our frustrations and feeling so relieved that we weren’t alone.. This can be intimidating, but, after going through this both as someone who’s personally grieving and as a friend to someone who is grieving, don’t be afraid to be wrong.

The loss of a mother is devastating, even to adults, so take some time to think about what you want to say before you speak or write the final sympathy note.. If the person who lost her mother is a close friend of yours, you’ll want to visit her to show that you care.. Offer to do a task she may dread, such as clean out a closet or address thank you notes for funeral flowers .. If the person who lost her mother isn’t a close friend, you may want to call instead.. It's always good to go to the funeral to offer support to the survivors.. Most people who lose their mother appreciate offers of helping out, even if they don’t accept.. Some things you might want to offer include meals, running errands, or assisting with the funeral arrangements.. If the person has children, you might even offer to babysit.. Many people go through their mother’s funeral in a state of numbness.. If your friend has to go through his mother’s belongings, you may offer to help.. After a couple of weeks have passed, try your best to go back to normal activities with your friend, knowing she will still be in a state of grief that can last for a very long time.. Many people suffer from melancholia on their mother’s birthday, Mother’s Day, during the holidays, and on the anniversary of her passing.. Take the time to drop a note on those days to show that you are thinking of your friend.

But it can be hard to know what to say when someone dies.. Here are some things to say when someone dies:. This is one of the best things you can do for someone who is grieving.. They will need someone to listen to them just as much as they’ll need words of comfort when someone dies.. You might feel like it’s bad manners to mention the person who has died to their grieving family.

Before Ichabod’s mother died, she named him based on the grief of the battle that happened around her.. Later, because of his patience and trust in the Lord, God raised him up as second in command in Egypt, saving a whole nation from starvation—including the brothers who betrayed him.. When the family made amends, he was in his 30’s and learned his mother had died giving birth to his youngest brother Benjamin.. We learned because of his wife, he was comforted in the death of his mother.. I want you to know that your mother was amazing, and I know how much she loved you.. I love you and am always here for you.. Offering words of comfort are welcomed during this time of mourning and so are thoughtful prayers.. A dear friend has lost her mother and she mourns the loss so deeply.. During this time of loss, help her remember that You knew her mother from birth and that she died in Your loving arms.. A Prayer for a Family Grieving the Loss of a Mother. It's silent and so empty here, since she passed away, and yet she will hear celebration, called forever into grace.. Prayer for the Loss of a Mother. At this moment, nothing seems to be able to help the loss I feel after my mother's passing.. Heather Riggleman is a believer, wife, mom, author, social media consultant, and full-time writer.

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are great ways to celebrate the people who brought you into the world.. But while many are off brunching and showing up at their parent’s doorsteps with flowers on these two family-centric holidays, others may be curled up on the couch feeling the pain of having lost their parent.. ‘Show your mom how much you love her this Mother’s Day!’ ‘This Mother’s Day, call your mother!’ I think, ‘I wish!,’” said Lisa Goich, who lost her mother to kidney failure in 2011 and wrote about the experience in her book 14 Days: A Mother, A Daughter, A Two-Week Goodbye .. Once you’ve lost a parent, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day will never be the same.. It’s therefore inevitable that a friend with a deceased parent will experience some degree of pain on these particular days, said Elizabeth Skibinski-Bortman, a family therapist and host of the podcast “ Advice from Mom .”. “If your friend has lost a parent, these holidays may function in the same way that the anniversary of their death functions,” she said.. Benton also added that you might try encouraging your friend to post a tribute photo of their parent on social media or to plant flowers or make a donation in their parent’s honor.. “If you have a friend going through this pain, let them feel sad.. “Telling your friend how lucky they are that their parent lived a full life may not feel supportive,” she said.. “These statements can feel invalidating, causing your friend to feel uneasy opening up to you about their anguish,” Fraga said.. “For me, just getting invited to do something with a friend on Mother’s Day is really nice,” said Thomas Giordonello, a 29-year-old account executive in Garrison, New York, who lost his mother in 2013.. Before making suggestions on what the two of you can do together, it can be beneficial to ask your friend how they want to spend the day.

Don't Make Them Talk About Their Condition Remember that your loved one has talked endlessly to doctors about their illness, prognosis, and treatment options.. More likely than not, this will discourage your loved one, make them feel less "normal," and undermine the positive attitude they’re striving for.. Listen with an Open Mind and Heart When your loved one is ready to talk, be ready to listen—even if the topic is one you'd rather avoid.. Make your loved one feel comfortable by asking questions and affirming their feelings.. Help Alleviate Their Fears If your loved one is harboring fears about the dying process or death, it's important to address them.. Once your loved one does need aid to get from one day to the next, always be sure to ask their opinion and make sure their wishes are being followed.. Reassure Them That Their Life Mattered It is common for depression and doubt to set in when someone is facing the end of life, particularly if they have always been an "in-charge" person.. Make sure that your loved one knows how much you care for them, and encourage other family members and friends to do the same.. Share in Their Faith Whether your loved one is simply spiritual or a devout person of faith, they may be uncertain and apprehensive about what comes next.. Create a Peaceful Atmosphere The last thing your loved one wants is to be surrounded by reminders of illness and death.. If your loved one has to remain in a healthcare facility or hospice house, though, do everything you can to make their room feel like home.. Even after a person's fears about the dying process have been addressed, some might still worry about leaving behind the people who love and care for them.. Assure your loved one that everything has been taken care of, family members will look after one another, and they will be remembered and cherished.

God, she is ready to go and be with You.. Comfort My Mother Prayer Jesus, my Savior, comfort my mother, please.. Give her peace and comfort in the idea of death and let her feel ready to go when the time comes.. God, let her know that it is okay for her to go when she is ready.. Please, God.

Coping with the loss of a father can be tough.. However, it’s important to maintain eye contact with them, even if they’re crying or not always looking directly at you.. Some people cope better when others openly share their pain.. First off, it acknowledges the pain that they must feel after losing a loved one.. People don’t always know what to say to someone whose father died.. More often than not, they will tell the griever something that seems comforting but ends up making the situation even more painful.. The best thing to do is to let your grieving friend be the focus.. When somebody has just lost their father, you already know how they feel.

Condolence Messages On Death Of Mother : Sometimes life presents us with some sad moments.. May God gives you the strength to deal with this great loss of your mother.. Dear friend, Hope Almighty give you the strength to deal with your huge loss.. During this sorrowful time of yours, I am praying to God to help you out.. May God give you peace.. Stay strong and pray to God for easing her pain and granting her heaven.. Praying for you during the great loss!. In this sorrowful time I am at a loss of words and thought to express my sadness about your loss.. Sending my sincere condolences on your great loss.. I don’t know what you feel right now but I can say that God is always with you dear!. Your mother has a strong personality.. God bless you and your wonderful family dear!. Losing a mother is a great loss for a child as they lose a parent and their best friend since birth.. Sending a condolence message on the death of a mother means showing gratitude and showing how much you care.

When your loved one feels ready to talk, the following suggestions can be comforting ways to begin a conversation:. We all express love differently, so whether you express it best verbally or through drawings, cards, or letters, simply let them know they’re loved and cared for.. If any of these seem fitting — whether you need to make peace, forgive, love, or simply thank them for anything they’ve done — remain open to different conversations.. What to write to a dying loved one As experts like Doka note, when people are about to die, one of the things they cherish most is the feeling that they mattered, and that they were important to someone… that they were important to you.. Don’t force religion if your loved one is not religious If your loved one is not spiritual, be respectful and mindful of their beliefs.. Yet, because we often don’t know what to say, we may miss out on opportunities to connect deeply with our dying loved one and have conversations we’ll remember and appreciate for years or even decades after they’re gone.

If you have trouble praying for the dying, ask God to help you.. Praying to God when someone is dying is vital to the relationship between the person praying, the dying person, and God.. These are opportunities for us to pray and ask God to help the dying person draw closer to Him.. I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried; He descended into hell; on the third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty; from there He will come to judge the living and the dead.. Father, my loved one is dying.. God, help me to know the words to speak to the family of the dying.. Father, I pray for the friends of the dying.. God, help the friends of the dying to know Your love and forgiveness.. Heavenly Father, please cover the friends of the dying with Your hedge of protection.. God, guide the friends of the dying to know how to help the family in their grief journey.

It is always difficult to find the words to comfort someone who is grieving, perhaps even more so when it involves the loss of a pregnancy, infant, or child.. Providing this extra support is not always an easy thing to do, but bereaved parents need family and good friends to lean on.. Ultimately, supporting grieving parents is not about having all the right words, but being a listening ear, acknowledging their loss and pain, and finding ways to serve their needs during the months and years that follow the loss.. "If you know someone who has lost a child or lost anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died.. In the months and years that follow the loss of a child, many parents feel alone in their grief as the rest of the world moves on.

I'm now a pastor and facilitator for Christian Survivors of Suicide support group in Dallas, and have heard many comforter "horror stories" similar to Job's over the years.. I asked survivors of loved ones' suicides to tell me the worst things people said to them in their times of grief, and have attempted to categorize those remarks by the feelings they invoked in the survivors.. These types of comments add to the pain of grief because they attempt to reduce the loss and make it seem less painful, rather than recognizing the deep suffering the suicide survivor is experiencing.. The last thing a person suffering suicide grief needs is a statement implying guilt on their part, or that they or their family is defective.. Most survivors prefer saying "died by suicide," to honor their loved one's illness in a more appropriate way.. As for comments inferring the person who died by suicide was weak in faith, it's important to realize many devout Christians suffer from mental illness.. I also asked suicide survivors what were the most helpful things people said (or that they wish they'd said) after the loss.. The best advice to anyone who wants to comfort a suicide survivor is: "Show up, let them see you care, and respect the griever's right to feel bad for a while (guilt, anger, sadness, etc.).. Too many survivors reported "friends" who avoided them altogether after their loved ones' suicides rather than to risk saying the wrong thing.

Then came the news it wasn't the normal kind of prostate cancer, so things would be more difficult.. Because here's the thing: when someone you love is dying, even if you don't want to talk about it, you have to.. So here are some tips, courtesy of Beth and me, about what to do if you have a friend whose loved one is dying.. By all means, ask them about the situation when you see them -- they'll be expecting it, anyway -- but if you're getting the signal they don't want to talk about it, then they don't want to talk about it.. My best friend loved my Dad.. I think the last time I truly saw red was when someone I barely knew suggested cancer was totally curable if you just did a bit of research online, and that my Dad should try a coffee enema.. Be available if your friend needs you, even if that means just getting really drunk with them and having a good cry.. Your friend doesn't want a censored, watered-down, super sympathetic version of you.

Now, more than ever, your loved one needs your support.. It’s your support and caring presence that will help your loved one cope with the pain and gradually begin to heal.. The better your understanding of grief and how it is healed, the better equipped you’ll be to help a bereaved friend or family member:. Don’t pressure your loved one to move on or make them feel like they’ve been grieving too long.. Ask how your loved one feels.. Ask what you can do for the grieving person.. You don’t “get over” the death of a loved one .. Let the bereaved person know that you’re there for whatever they need.. Even very young children feel the pain of bereavement, but they learn how to express their grief by watching the adults around them.

Ask your friend: “Do you want to talk about the cancer diagnosis and treatment plan?” When I asked my friend, he said yes, he wanted to share the protocol.. How to Help a Friend’s Mom With Cancer. This is one of the most practical tips on how to help your friend’s mom with cancer, especially if they don’t have a caregiver: Make a list of what your friend’s mom needs and wants.. How to Comfort a Friend Whose Mom Has Cancer. “When it came to my friends, cancer separated the weak from the strong.” Some friends flee after the diagnosis, partly because they don’t know what to say or how to help someone with cancer.. When your friend’s mom gets diagnosed with cancer, your friend needs to you stay connected.. Here’s another way to comfort a friend whose mom has cancer: go public.. It’s called CF boy’s friends rally for mom’s fight with breast cancer ; in it, Ken Haggerty reports a different way to help a friend whose mom has cancer.

"I am here for you at any time and would like to support you in whatever way you are comfortable with.". "I know how difficult the loss of (insert deceased individual's name) has been for your family.. I am so grateful for these shared memories and want you all to know how much I love you and how deeply (insert deceased individual's name) will be missed.. Writing a condolence letter is a thoughtful way to show someone that you are thinking of them during this incredibly difficult time.. Condolence quotes can help you if you are experiencing a loss for words for your loved one, or can be added in to existing sympathy cards or letters.. Being supportive, focusing on their experience with this loss, and saying something thoughtful can be incredibly helpful and meaningful to those in the midst of grieving the loss of their adult child .

Parents who have lost a child want to feel supported in their grief .. Grieving parents need to feel like their child's life was important.. Don't say you know how the bereaved parent feels.. You can not make sense of loss in these ways.. The best you can do is support the grieving parent while they adjust to their loss.

after a death, many children want to share their story telling their story is a healing experience one of the best ways adults can help young grievers is to listen to their stories children also need continuity (normal activities), care (plenty of hugs and cuddles) and connection (to still feel connected to the parent who has died, and to you). It may help to ask other family members and friends to help you care for your child / children in the weeks following the death, when your own grief is overwhelming.. It’s quite natural to want to withdraw for a while and it is at this time that children can feel lonely and disconnected from their grieving parent.. It’s important that your child is able to still feel connected to the parent who has died and to you.. adequate information about the death their fears and anxieties addressed reassurance that they are not to blame careful listening acknowledgement and acceptance of their feelings and grief a sense of safety in the world respect for their own way of coping people who will guide and help help with overwhelming emotions involvement and inclusion in rituals and anniversaries opportunities to remember the person who has died. The death of a parent can shake the foundations of a child's belief in the world as a safe place.. Some children may worry about getting sick and dying themselves and it may reassure them to visit your family doctor for a check-up.. It is important for children to have some of the special objects that belonged to their parent.. Has continuing difficulty talking about their parent who has died.. Remember that very young children and infants are also deeply affected by the loss of a parent although their way of managing the feelings will not always be obvious.

“Hi, do you mind if we don’t make small talk about the colour you’re painting your flat?. When you do talk to them, don’t be afraid to ask how they, and their family, are doing.. Sometimes you just don’t want to answer ‘How is your dad doing?’ for the eighth time that day.. So if they say they don’t want to talk about it, don’t push them.. Don’t compare this to the time your dog died (I feel like this should go without saying, but you’d be surprised).. Don’t tell them about your uncle who had a similar cancer (particularly not if they then died) and don’t try and compare your grief to theirs.. Even if you know the person, don’t make this about you.. Don’t bring up the past like it makes up for what is happening now — “they had a good life” and “they were a good age” doesn’t make it any better.. You’d be surprised how many people rely on things like this when they just don’t know what to say, but it can lack that personal touch.. “When a friend has a terminally ill relative, it can feel like their whole world has collapsed.. They may feel overwhelmed with feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and guilt and it can be hard to know how to help them through these dark times.. You could encourage them to talk about their feelings and remind them they may already be grieving for the person they are going to lose.. It’s OK if they want to do normal things – spend time with friends, watch a film, or enjoy a meal.“You could encourage your friend to write down their feelings in a diary or help them with practical tasks.

Have you ever heard someone with dementia call out, "Mother?. Mother, where are you?". This confusion can prevent your loved one from remembering that she's older and that her mother and father already passed away 20 years ago.. Often, the person living with dementia calls out for her mom or dad because she's looking for the presence of a parent to provide security and reassurance in an unfamiliar setting.. What's a good way to answer when a loved one asks for her mom or dad?. What can you say to reassure and comfort the person?. Validate the person's feelings by spending time with her, asking questions and reassuring her.. If Fran continues to ask for her mother, you can try these questions:. What did your mom look like?. Sometimes, when you use validation, the person may be comforted just by talking about her mother or father that she misses.. Try meeting the need of your loved one by reassuring her in a different way.. Try this: "Mom, can we go for a walk together?. I always feel better after breathing deeply outside, don't you?. Mom, I'm so thankful that I can spend time with you.". It can be helpful to have a few approaches ready if your loved one who's living with dementia often asks for her mother or father.

She was not only your mother but a mother to all.. I know how painful it is to bear the loss of your mother.. As you’ve lost your dear mom, may God bless and comfort you and your dear family in this difficult time.. Please accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of your mother.. When pain and sickness made you cry,I’m sure she gazed upon your heavy eye,And wept for fear that you should die?Now death has taken her away from you, and all you have are memories, I hope the good life she lived gives you comfort because I know the pain is hard to bear.. Words however kind, I know can’t heal the pains of your mother’s loss, but know that you’re always been remembered I my solemn prayers to God.. Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your dear mom.

Videos

1. How a Grieving Mom Found Comfort in Repurposing Her Late Daughter's Journal | Digital Original | OWN
(OWN)
2. When Young Mother Dies Of Cancer, Father Pens Song To Comfort Their Children
(WCCO - CBS Minnesota)
3. Son told off for moving chair to comfort heartbroken mother during father’s funeral
(Global entertainment)
4. Grieving Mother Offers Comfort To Mayor Barry
(NewsChannel 5)
5. Siblings Helping Feed Hundreds On Thanksgiving To Honor Mother Who Died From COVID-19
(CBS New York)
6. Mother honors late daughter's death by helping others
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